“2016’s gonna be my year,” I said.
But 2016 wasn’t that good to me. It was a year full of heartbreaks. Keane Cipriano married Chynna Ortaleza, a good friend died of a motorcycle accident, it was a year of family conflicts, then someone I really really love broke me to the core of my soul. Don’t tell me it’s just a heartbreak because that “simple” heartbreak affected and still affecting my whole damn life. My mood wasn’t stable for months, lose weight, gained weight, wasn’t able to get good night’s sleep for weeks, cried for months, had tendencies, got lost, didn’t know what to do with my really messed up life. I didn’t know what I want anymore. I got diagnosed with major depressive disorder and went and still going through the process of medication.
But 2016 wasn’t that bad at all. You see, I finished my thesis on time – making me a degree holder now, I got to visit places from north to south, experienced G-Force classes (well this is part of my bucket list so let’s include this lol), reconciled with an ex-someone after almost four years of being in not-so-good terms, etc.
If there is something that 2016 made me realize, it is that after all, I am blessed and loved beyond what I deserve, that there are more things to be thankful of, that I am not at all this weak, crybaby. I may have failed at some time this year, but fuck, who cares I have my life ahead of me.
2016’s a year full of bad memories yet I don’t regret anything. It was indeed a roller coaster ride and I’m really really grateful to the people who stayed even when they’re already too tired and too sick of the ride; to the people who listened and tried to understand; to the people who stood with/for me when I can no longer stand for myself; to the people who loved me when I couldn’t love myself; to the people who believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself. I might not have survived my episodes and breakdowns if I didn’t have you. Thanks & I love you people!
For the times when I just wanted to be out, to end, I thank myself for hanging in there.
To everybody who’s in the same situation, do know that you’re not alone. Hang in there. We’ll get there honey. 🌸